not another holiday shopping email.
protecting my promotions tab in its busiest season.
I bought two of my children Crocs clogs over the summer. The two primary-colored shoes appeared on my parents’ stoop sometime mid-July. Ever since, my inbox has been regularly hit with emails urging me to buy still more. Are you aware of the sheer number of Crocs on the market? Allow me to offer a taste. There are furry Crocs, geometric Crocs, and Crocs made to look like they have sashiko threads running through them. There are kid Crocs and adult Crocs and, for the fancy among us, high-heeled Crocs. There are Crocs sandals, and Crocs boots, and something the company would like us to know are bold and sculpted Crocs. Last week, I learned, there are Elf™ Crocs. The window for snagging those is short indeed and closing swiftly, so if you want an elfin clog replete with fuzzy faux shearling and a golden buckle, DO NOT DELAY.
In spite of my year-long efforts to stay on top of inbox junk, starting in early November and continuing straight on through Christmas Day, the promotions tab of my inbox goes haywire. It’s inundated with emails bearing anxiety-inducing subject headings designed to wrench my attention toward whatever it is someone else has decided I should be buying, and quickly. Shearling-lined elf-green Crocs, for instance. I know I sound like a grouch, but these emails are starting earlier each year. And they do grow more shrill with each passing day of the ever-expanding holiday season.
This sweater has a thousand-person waitlist. This miracle cream is nearly sold out. This pan will not be restocked.
TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
LAST CHANCE.
YOU WILL MEET AN UNTIMELY DEATH IF YOU DON’T BUY THIS GADGET, PROBABLY.
Myself, I do not want a pair of elfin Crocs and I definitely don’t need twice-weekly emails telling me it’s my last chance to score them. I don’t need a sweater with a thousand person waitlist. I’m all good on miracle creams. Waking up to thirty emails every morning telling me I’m NEARLY OUT OF TIME doesn’t inspire the holiday cheer that I try my best to lean into in the very darkest weeks of the year. So, as soon as Halloween is over and these emails start filtering in, I like to indulge in a mildly aggressive inbox cleanup. In case anyone else needs it, here’s some encouragement to do the same: