unsolicited design advice for landlords.

humbly submitted.

Mea culpa, these photographs were taken from actual apartment listings.

I’ll begin with the disclaimer that I share this unsolicited advice with care and compassion. I can only imagine how hard it is to earn passive income that will secure your financial future, while also being able to arbitrarily and indefinitely increase your yearly earnings. I don’t envy you this responsibility! That said, I’ve noticed a few areas where it seems that New York City landlords could use some help, so I’ve decided to offer some gentle and loving design advice regarding the following:

Extra-Large Refrigerators: You’re renting out a one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, not a 5-bedroom McMansion in the suburbs, so go ahead and relieve yourself of the pressure to fit a 28-cubic-foot fridge into a tiny galley kitchen. There’s a whole category of fridges out there called apartment-sized. Take a look at those and if they simply seem too small, at least consider a counter-depth fridge so that your tenants won’t have to crab walk past the appliance in the middle of their kitchen.

In-unit Washer and Dryers: First of all, I really commend you for your generosity. Nobody required you to install these appliances and you chose to do it while raising the rent a mere $1,500 a month. Brava. One small suggestion: If you’re going to go this route, it might be nice to fit them into a spot that doesn’t directly interfere with the function, flow, and design of the kitchen. Nifty solutions include locating this dynamic duo in a dedicated closet or underneath a countertop where they can be hidden from view. You might even opt for a compact machine that’s sized to fit a modest New York City apartment.

Open Kitchens: New York City apartments are small, I know, and you don’t want your tenants feeling all cramped in their tiny kitchen. But before you take a sledge hammer to that kitchen wall, imagine the possibilities that walls can provide. They can be a place to hang a pot rail, should a tenant want a single place to store a frying pan. They’re a godsend for things like shelves, should a tenant want to prop a plant, or a pair of mugs. A wall can be a spot to push a small work table up against in the kitchen and equally a spot to place a bookshelf on the other side of things. As much as a tenant might enjoy staring at the builder-grade kitchen cabinets you installed in the late 1980s, sometimes it’s just nice to have a kitchen with walls. And, with a wall intact, there’s so much less of an awkward transition from the tiled kitchen to the carpeted living room!

Exposed Brick Vignettes: I know that trends are hard to keep up with. Fifteen years ago everyone told you to remove your dingy drywall and expose your brick walls and now, people are telling you to cover them up again. One thing is for sure though: exposing just a square of brick in the center of the wall is very confusing! Splurge on that extra ten square feet of drywall and cover the whole wall, it’ll be worth it, I promise.

Kitchen Backsplashes: You’re edgy! You’re creative! You found a sale on that metallic tile with a groovy wave pattern. Believe it or not, I’d caution against installing this. Again, I know it’s weird to think about, but not all prospective tenants might share your aesthetic. Consider instead going with something more understated, like white subway tile. Sure, it’s boring, but it also won’t cause vertigo during apartment tours.

Sinks, fridges, counters, and other kitchen must-haves in unusual places: I love an unfitted kitchen as much as the next Blueberries for Sal enthusiast, which is why I would make a small suggestion. If you’re going to go the unfitted route, consider going all the way with it. If you’re considering putting a single cabinet with a stainless steel drop-in sink, with nary a countertop in sight, cater-corner to the rest of the kitchen, you might decide to go with a wall-mounted utility sink instead. They’re classic, practical, and designed for the purpose. If you think there’s nowhere to put a refrigerator but in the far corner of the living room, bring in a friend or two to look at your space with fresh eyes. Even if you need to do some very light kitchen remodeling to make a fridge fit into a more practical location, don’t worry, because you can always raise the rent for your trouble.

Shower Doors: I know shower doors were all the rage in the 1980s when you bought this now-five-million-dollar building for a few hundred thousand, but that thick line of mold along the track really isn’t doing you any favors in getting this place rented. Consider removing the forty-something-year-old door and installing a solid and tasteful shower curtain rod instead. Are you worried that tenants will go rogue and shower without a curtain? If it helps, a set of 12 shower curtain pins costs an approximate $3.60 and an EVA shower curtain with reinforced metal grommets might run you as little as $6.99. If this cost is too much for you to bear, remember, that rent is yours to raise!

Toilets: I’m not a plumber either, but I do think one is worth consulting before installing a toilet that backs up to a glass-walled shower.

Signature Lighting: You love an industrial whisk turned into a kitchen pendant, but it might be worth considering that that might not be your future tenant’s design preference. (I know it’s cheeky of them to have opinions about the place they call home, but that’s just tenants these days!). For lighting, consider understated flush-mount lighting and remember that there are options besides the two-for-$25 frosted globe ceiling lights affectionately called boob lights.

Mirrors: This might be your personal kink, but believe it or not, lots of tenants would rather not lie in bed while looking at themselves reflected on their hollow-core closet doors. If they do, I promise they’ll figure out a way to make that happen. If you feel strongly that providing a floor-length mirror is your responsibility as benevolent landlord, consider mounting one on the inside of the closet or bathroom door. It’s a simple trick that makes a really big difference!

Duplexes: I see that you lovingly painted your windowless cellar with high-gloss paint and I want you to know that I respect and appreciate your dedication to beautifying your property, but it’s important to remember that a basement cannot legally house a bedroom! (What. a. drag.) If you’re calling your rental a two-bedroom and the second bedroom is in an actual basement, whoops, that’s false advertising! Don’t worry, there are lots of others ways you can justify raising the rent.

Closets: No such thing as too many closets, amirite? Well, actually, that closet that you built directly next to the former fireplace—the one that stops short of the ceiling, and juts out into the room—is a little bit awkward. I know that hiring a professional carpenter means a one-time investment and spending a relatively small amount of money that you could otherwise be using to upgrade your flight to Paris this summer, but it’s possible that someone with know-how could really help you make a better choice. Just an idea! I know you don’t want to make things too nice.