if i made the rules.

requirements for life's minutiae.

All empty tree-pits would have mandatory wildflowers growing in them. Translation: No empty tree-pits.

Italian ice would never be served with a plastic spoon. (Pleated paper cups only.)

All children’s recreational sports leagues would have t-shirt take-back programs. (Also, kids’ sized t-shirts.)

In-store air conditioning would be set to 74 degrees, minimum. (No one needs to be freezing in June.)

Jars would have paper labels only. Requirement: Must fall off clean in the dishwasher.

To-stay glasses would be available for iced coffee, always.

No one would ever put a peanut butter knife into the sink without wiping it clean first. (This is what the second slice of sandwich bread is there for!)

Ice cream sandwiches would always be wrapped in paper. (Minimum of six sandwiches per box. Preferably eight. Never three!)

Splash pads would always have shady parts.

Idling ice cream trucks? No.

Sunscreen supplies in public parks? Yes.

Subway stations would have pee-free elevators, every last one of them.

Clean public restrooms would be easily found, every ten to twelve blocks.

Anyone of any age would be allowed to order a kid’s cone. (Ditto ordering off the children’s menu.)

Breakfast would be served all day.

Now your turn.