indispensable advice for making your own clothes.

from an actual expert.

Having now officially made myself one (1) summer skirt, I feel qualified to give advice on the ins and outs of endeavoring to craft one’s own warm-weather wardrobe from thin air, plus some fabric and thread. If you’re hankering for a new lewk, and like me, you have some extremely lovely fabric you bought on sale last year because it reminded you of something from the Chirri & Chirra books, I hope you read this. I’ve tried to be as honest and helpful as possible. If any of you accomplished sewists out there would like to weigh in with tips of your own, please do.

Herewith, my very best unsolicited advice:

It’s always best to begin a sewing project over-caffeinated and under-fed. Under no circumstances should you shower before sitting down to your machine. If you don’t smell bad while sewing, you’re doing it wrong. Bra? No.

It’s entirely reasonable to expect that your very first homemade skirt will take one hour to make and that it can be finished before you need to load your entire family and half of your belongings onto a ferry in the East River. When questioned, bellow to your spouse that you’ll be right there, and keep on sewing.

Start with a nearly empty bobbin. This will ensure needing to stop almost immediately to rewind it, giving you ample time to curse your existence and that of whoever invented the sewing machine.

Measuring twice, cutting once, is truly advice for suckers. Instead, measure not at all and cut three or four times. This strategy will duly test your mental health, personal resolve, and will to live.

When making a garment for yourself, quickly decide that all of your non-negotiables are indeed negotiable. Pockets? Even hems? Lined up seams? A lining? No.

Do not bother with a pattern. You’ve never made a skirt before, what could go wrong?

Always use the absolute smallest stitch possible so that when you inevitably need to rip those stitches out, the process is exceptionally painful and practically guaranteed to rip your delicate fabric.

Speaking of fabric, choose something sheer, verging on indecent.

Wait until your second or third attempt at sewing a flat elastic into a waistband before doing any research into how this is typically done.

When you finally deign to troll the internet for instructions, be sure to read only half of whatever you find, skim the third-quarter and entirely disregard the last. Reading instructions in their entirety will only result in a garment that’s properly made the first time around.

Leave your laptop open so that at regular intervals you can consult strangers on the internet for their advice.

Never having done this before, decide you know better than Molly on YouTube with her peppy British accent and perfectly appointed in-home sewing studio. Slam shut your laptop and disregard her warnings.

Be sure to hold the seam ripper improperly so as to gouge your fabric and necessitate using the mending stitch to fix a hole.

Absolutely do not remind yourself of which small drawing on your sewing machine indicates the mending stitch, instead try several different stitches and rip those all out before consulting the manual.

Be certain to sew your elastic together in such a manner that it is permanently twisted. This will later require you to rip out the entire waistband and start over which is both good for the psyche and the fabric.

When rethreading the flat elastic into the waistband, take great care to keep it flat until you get to the last few inches, when you should definitely throw caution to the wind, yank the elastic, and finish with an elastic that’s folded in on itself after all.

Always attempt your sewing project with small children under foot. Having a four-year-old sit on the sewing machine pedal while you’re rethreading a needle is a surefire way to get the adrenaline flowing.

Pins? An iron? Flexible measuring tape? Overrated. All of these do nothing but make the project easier to accomplish.

Once finished, take many photos on a scorching rooftop for the bemusement of your neighbors.

Be sure to position yourself in such a manner so that it’s impossible to tell whether you have grown a slight mustache or are simply terrible at applying sunscreen to your upper lip.

Decide your first-ever skirt is actually pretty great. Resolve to wear it at least thrice weekly.